


only yours

by eternityun (lookingmirror)



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Feelings, Hand Jobs, M/M, Porn with Feelings, hueningkai is bad at feelings, hueningkai is confused gay, i didnt edit this yet oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingmirror/pseuds/eternityun
Summary: maybe hueningkai isn't the best at expressing his feelings, but he's trying and he swears he'll make it work.
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	only yours

If you asked Hueningkai how he felt about Taehyun, he’d probably answer with the most basic thing, _‘He’s my best friend!’_ or end up completely speechless. Because what he felt for Taehyun was beyond words — it was the shimmering unreachable stars in the sky, though Hueningkai had seen and admired it more often in Taehyun’s pretty eyes. It could also be the fluffy disillusioning image of clouds. — it existed, yet so intangible in nature that Hueningkai couldn't help but come up with nothing.

He had been labeled once as the most _‘adorable cold lover’_ in the world. And while he wanted to refute the statement so badly, there really wasn’t much argument for him to make. It showed how he could openly express his love for stuffed toys, but shy away every time his eyes came into contact with Taehyun in public. He wished his boyfriend wouldn’t be so lenient on him, so painfully forgiving that he could swallow his own feelings for the sake of Hueningkai’s comfort. He wished Taehyun could be upset with him, and scream the things he couldn’t do but should’ve done. He wished someone could give him the courage to be the slightest bit more forward with his love.

After all, despite being a coward, Hueningkai knew the depth of his love for Taehyun — his world rotated around the boy’s smiles, his heart sought no one else but the other. There was no one else for Hueningkai, but Taehyun.

That was why when his wishes and biggest fears came to life, Hueningkai _crumbled._

Taehyun was sitting on Hueningkai’s bed, wearing one of his favorite sweaters – too big on his much smaller frame – and curled up on himself, hugging his legs close to his chest with his head buried on his knees. He wasn’t letting out any sort of sound, but the way his shoulders were shaking was telling enough.

Hueningkai materialized next to the other’s side in seconds. He gathered the smaller boy in his arms, uncaring if he knocked off his precious plushies in the process. It was like his mind, heart and body were attuned to a single thought only — _Taehyun, Taehyun, Taehyun._

“Hyunnie, what happened?” He didn’t register the way his own voice trembled, all he could feel was pure desperation.

Taehyun did not answer, making himself even smaller but not attempting to put a distance between them. Hueningkai was lost — of course, he’d seen the other cry before, but never like this, as if the whole world was crumbling down around him.

It was then when he saw it, out of pure luck or coincidence he really had no time to dwell on it. It was Taehyun’s glowing phone beside him, and that alone made Hueningkai’s stomach drop.

He snatched the device in a hurry and locked his eyes to the screen, only to confirm his suspicion. Dread slithered its way in his system, his chest was heavy and he felt like crying himself.

In truthfulness, it wasn’t anything serious — an image of him and Soobin being overly clingy to each other, posted by a fan – what set the fire was the caption and comments about it.

Taehyun wasn’t someone who paid any attention to these things. He deemed it senseless and a waste of energy. After all, why would he care about something that wasn’t true? _‘We’re together, not you and Soobin hyung. That’s what matters, right?’_

But he could only say those words because he avoided it. Hueningkai wasn’t blind as to not notice Taehyun scrolling pass through posts that included him and their leader in a not so platonic way. He wasn’t ignorant of the smaller boy’s longing gaze every time he was affectionate with Soobin. He wasn’t dumb to not know that his skinship and extra fanservice with the other members could be painful for Taehyun, albeit the boy never mentioning anything about it

Hueningkai wasn’t any of those things, but he was a coward. And it was the biggest flaw he despised, but couldn’t rid off.

“Taehyunnie,” he breathed out, prying away his boyfriend’s arms so he could hold onto his face. “Please, please, look at me.”

The very moment he saw Taehyun’s tearful face was the very instant his heart sunk to his stomach. His huge pretty eyes had always been expressive, but _this_ , shimmering with unshed tears and showing nothing but agony, Hueningkai decided there and then that he didn’t want to see this look on his lover ever again.

“You know,” Hueningkai pressed their foreheads together, he wanted to show it all, he wanted Taehyun to know just how he owned his heart, wanted to let the smaller boy recognize just how much cherished he was, how precious and significant he is for him, “that I only love you, right?”

Taehyun closed his eyes and more tears spilled. With his hands gripping the front of Hueingkai’s shirt tightly, he finally spoke with a broken voice, “I know —

_—but I can’t feel it.”_

At that very moment, two hearts shattered in unison.

Hueningkai’s eyes burned, and Taehyun’s figure in front of him became blurry. If the ache in his heart was excruciating enough, then what more for Taehyun?

It wasn’t supposed to be this way, He’d promised to himself back then that he’d be the one who would make his soulmate the happiest, he’d make him feel protected, secured, _loved._

“What should I do?” _To make it right, to make the pain go away, to become someone I promised to be?_

Because he loved Taehyun, he really did, but his actions had never been enough. Why couldn’t he do better? Why did he keep hurting Taehyun this way? There was nothing more Hueningkai hated than the weakness in him.

Taehyun crushed their lips together and Hueningkai kissed back in an instant. It wasn’t chaste and sweet like most of the kisses they shared, Instead, it tasted of desperation and tears. There were no directions to follow but the beating of their heart and the movement of their lips, there was no other purpose but to _feel and feel._

Taehyun was the one who pulled away first, his hand wrapped around Hueningkai’s nape and his other enclosed within the warmth of Hueningkai’s large hands. His voice was shaky, but the determination and love in his eyes were unwavering. “Kai, touch me.”

_Show how much you love me, chase my doubts away, please._

Hueningkai blinked his tears away and gently pushed down the smaller boy on the bed. He climbs on top of him careful not to put weight.

Underneath him, with tears still hanging on Taehyun’s eyelashes, he looked vulnerable and Hueningkai was overcome with the desire to protect the boy from all bad things in this world. Slowly, he lowered himself and placed a kiss on Taehyun’s forehead and using his thumb to brush the tears away,

“I love you.” A kiss on the eyelids.

“So much.” Nose.

“Taehyun,” Cheek.

“Is the one I love the most.” Lips.

Hueningkai moved with all the care in the world, his trembling hands cupping Taehyun’s face. He deepened the kiss and the other let him, his small hand clutching Hueningkai’s shirt with his free hand curling on the taller boy’s locks.

He licked into Taehyun’s warm mouth, exploring every corner while his hand trailed lower. He felt drunk, and everything was hazy, yet the pain remained and he doubted it’d go away soon. But that was better, it reminded him of his mistakes and he needed it. He needed it so he could heal with Taehyun.

Soft touches and broken whispers were exchanged, and Hueningkai couldn’t exactly remember how they got to this point, but none of it matters when he have Taehyun clinging onto his neck for dear life and completely naked.

Hueningkai gasped as he grind on his boyfriend’s cock, his large hands curled on both of them. It felt good, but it wasn’t anything near to hearing Taehyun whining and calling his name out.

Both of them were already dripping steadily and when Hueningkai gave a firm squeeze, Taehyun’s voice spiked higher, his legs coming up to wrap around the taller boy’s waist and bringing them closer to each other.

As their movement became more urgent, and Hueningkai set a fast rhythm, stroking the both of them to the edge, Taehyun began sobbing. The smaller boy dug his blunt nails on Hueningkai’s bareback, letting the world disappear around them. They didn’t last very long. Taehyun came with a shout and Hueningkai followed, creating a mess between them.

But even after that, Taehyun didn’t stop crying. Hueningkai grabbed his boyfriend in a rush and crushed him to his chest, uncaring of the filthy mess on their stomachs. He wrapped his arm around the smaller frame, pressing his nose on Taehyun’s head.

“I love you,” Taehyun said and Hueningkai replied with a promise.

He couldn’t promise a world full of rainbows and sunshine anymore. But he could promise to be honest, to love Taehyun better.

Hueningkai didn’t want to be a coward anymore. He wanted to be a man who could love Taehyun without any fear, without hesitation, and without a margin.

He would be a man who could love and cherish Taehyun the most.

**Author's Note:**

> i swear it was supposed to be fluff,,,,
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/eternityvn)


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